How do you currently define “security”? If you look around in this present moment what are you plugged into that gives you the greatest sense of security? Take a moment and reflect on this question. The first thing you might tune into is your current job or career. It supports you and brings in an income which provides a level of security for you. You might also answer with your house, your family, your partner, your children, your car, and your friends. Your life line may be plugged into your bike, your clothes, your books, or even your dog.
Last night I had a conversation with a woman who told me her new safety in life was her phone. She mentioned that it used to be smoking. That smoking was a lifeline that gave her a sense of safety and rootedness. Since she gave up smoking three years ago her new life line has become her cell phone. She has become so reliant on her phone that she had to hire a business coach to help her strategize how she can be less dependent on her cell phone. She shared that it never occurred to her that she did not need to carry her phone downstairs with her to do laundry. It never occurred to her that she could actually leave her phone in one room while she went into another room. I mean what if she missed a call or missed a message? Her new security was now her telephone as well as needing to be available for others.
I use to be plugged into my career and job title as my security. I was a pediatric speech language pathologist for over 15 years and my life line was my expertise within this profession. I felt safe and secure in this role. I knew how to do it and do it well. My self image was deeply rooted into the profession. It was never about the money. I did not hold attachment to the money as a level of security. It was the job title and the wide range of unusual experiences I had within the profession that really made me an expert within the realms of the medical and educational worlds. Upon reflection I realize that my top two securities were my job title and my expertise. They were my two safety nets. I also held a third security. This was in my friendships and how I prided myself with friendships that were born out of what I “did” for them. I had created this self imposed security that I MUST be liked and if I did nice and great things for people than I would be liked and have lots of friends. I had plugged into this pattern as a level of security for myself. It made me feel safe to know I was liked.
So my top three safety nets were:
Career/professionJob titleFriendships built on a self imposed pattern that I wanted to be liked.
What are yours? What are your current lifelines that you have built a strong and deep reliance on to be your safety nets? Can you name three? If so, write them down and read them to yourself right now.
Well, I’m here to shake things up a bit and provide you with a new perspective that I know will free you from where you may be today. Your top three securities are NOT real. They are an illusion. My intuition tells me that the three securities you wrote down are things, people, experiences, items, that are OUTSIDE of you. You have plugged into something OUTSIDE of yourself and created a level of importance and true security and safety in them. Take for example the woman who originally found security in cigarettes and smoking. Something OUTSIDE of her held so much power to make her feel secure and get her thru her days. Now her security is the cell phone. She does not want to miss anything or not be available for people who need her. Being connected gives her sense of importance, feeling needed, and loved. The cell phone is something tangible OUTSIDE of her that keeps her feeling safe.
So what happens when all your securities are taken away? What happens when they are destroyed, lost, or they disappear? What happens to this woman when her phone stops working and her battery runs out of juice? She may go through a serious withdrawal, anxiety, frustration or possible breakdown. But you and I both know she will be fine. She created a false level of security in something that is OUTSIDE of her. She will not die - she will be ok. Her friends and family will still want to connect with her and be apart of her life.
I know what it feels like to have lost your top securities. I know what it feels like to have your current lifelines stripped away. I know this first hand because I lost all three of my false securities within one week. I was fired unexpectedly from a job, and in an unrelated event I was reported to the American Speech and Language Association and my national license was being re-considered. I had used my speech pathology credentials and title on my intuitive counseling website and someone felt this was against speech pathology regulations. The self image I had created and plugged into was ripped out from underneath me and my credentials and career were now in question. Then a few days later one of my closest friends who had been apart of my life for 12 years told me she did not want to be my friend anymore. She told me I said something that reminded her of how her parents spoke to her. I never found out what that really meant for her but nonetheless a dear and close friend no longer liked me. This was devastating! All three of my main securities were taken away, disappeared, and/or were being questioned.
I was a mess. My identity was shattered, my self image, my self imposed level of security was destroyed. I can recall dropping to the floor of my living room crying and curling up in a fetal position. A death was occurring. A death of my ego, a death of my illusionary safety and security. How could this happen? How could this be? It was a deep time of transformation. I was forced to become brutally honest with myself and go inside and dig into the depths of my heart and discover MY REAL aspects of security. I no longer had what to me was an important part of my identity. All of the OUTSIDE that I had grabbed onto very tightly for many years was now gone.
I realized that since I was reaching for something outside of myself could I change how I was living my life and reach within - reach INSIDE of myself. By going INSIDE I knew whatever I found would always be with me. What did I find? I found my INNER TRUTH! What was my inner truth? My inner truth was showing me that I was fine. I was still me. My education and experience were still apart of me. Though the job had been peeled away I still had all I needed INSIDE of me. I still had my education, my past experiences, my memories, my knowledge. I was fine. Jobs come and go - they are no big deal. They are mere assignments that we are given in this lifetime. There was no need for me to plug into a job as a form of security. And as far as my professional title ...well it was just that .......a title. A title that I had to pay for every year to keep my license and status. If my license was taken away from me I could always do something else. Again my knowledge and experience were still with me and INSIDE of me. I would be fine. Everything was fine. I started to let go. I saw how I could transform my securities from something OUTSIDE of me to all that was INSIDE of me.
As I continued to let go and release myself from the illusion of what is true security in my life things began to shift. The good news is that the speech pathology board just requested that I remove my speech title from a website where no speech therapy services were being provided. My license was maintained and all worked out. I was not hired back by the job who fired me. But I learned soon after that the reason I was fired, was because the company had only hired me to complete a study of 300 children on their language development. They fired me on the very day that I evaluated child number 300. They no longer needed me in their eyes. They handled it very inappropriately by not being upfront with me initially that the position would end once all 300 children were evaluated.
However, the beauty that came out of it was I became committed to building my intuitive practice which still thrives today. I may not have committed to building my practice and business if I was still working there. Their are many hidden blessings in that experience. One of them of course being that I learned and saw how I could change my life for the better by only creating safety INSIDE of myself. This way I can be anywhere, go anywhere, and if anything happens to my outside world I will be just fine. I will be strong and okay. I will be anchored INSIDE and can handle anything that comes my way. I know you can do the same!
So take a close look at your top three securities. Write them down. How can you let them go and shift and transform your level of security from that which is OUTSIDE of you to that, which is INSIDE of you? Anchor in more deeply INSIDE to feel confident with a sense of safety within you!
Remember, the only safety in life is YOUR inner truth.